Mother’s Day 

Growing up I loved my Mom. To me she was the most amazing, smart and beautiful person ever.  She was my best friend for a long time and I’d like to think I was hers. She raised my brothers and I by herself and did a good job (at least I like to think I, anyway turned out decent enough). But, that was when we were younger, as we got older, or more so as I got older, (things seemed very different for me than for my brothers) she changed, and not in a good way.
As a teenager, I wasn’t one of those I-hate-my-parents kind of kid. I still loved my mom: she was still my best friend. She treated me like an equal. She trusted me and never, ever second guessed me or made me feel small or unimportant. When I was 16, my mom and stepdad got a divorce and we moved in with my grandparents. Mom started dating a man whom she had dated when I was about 4, a man I loved dearly but unfortunately had some issues of his own with his own children. A few months after I turned 18 we got our own place and that’s when things started to get really bad.
Like I said, Mom’s boyfriend had some issues. His daughters did drugs and lied and stole from him (his oldest died from an overdose) therefore leaving him with little to no trust in kids. But I wasn’t them: I was a good kid who helped out around the house, never went out (and I do mean never) and did well in school. His paranoia however somehow got into my mom’s head and she took it out on me.
She started questioning everything I did or didn’t do, making me feel incompetent most of the time. She made me feel like things i wanted to do regardless of what it was, whether it was my choice of major in school or an extracurricular activity, was stupid. I was criticized a lot. She praised me very little unless it was to her friends at work. When I was younger we hung out just the two of us, going shopping or to the movies but hardly ever as I got older, but she always had time for her boyfriend. 
By 23 I had had enough. My boyfriend had asked me to move in with him and it was the scariest thing I  think I had ever told my mom I was doing. On moving day, my boyfriend proposed to me and of course I said yes. About a month after moving in I started wedding planning and my mother made it hell. She called some of my decisions stupid and never once offered to help me with anything- not even dress shopping. In addition to that, she had pulled some other stunts such as, threatening me with the police because I wouldn’t talk to her after she made some nasty comments about my wedding choices. 
Things between us were not getting better as i had hoped they would when  I decided to move out. So much so that it drove me to cut my mom off entirely. 
I now have my own little girl and to me, everyday with her is Mother’s Day and I couldn’t be prouder to call her mine, yet Mother’s Day is such a sad day for me. I’m not saying I want a toxic relationship rather than no relationship,  but I do wish I had a mother, whom I grew up with, to be here and enjoy this day with me and her grandchild, instead of going to her boyfriend’s like my own mother had. 
I am grateful to have a daughter who makes me feel so special everyday of the year. Also I’m very happy to have a Step mom and Mother-in-law who love me and treat me with respect as their equal.

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